I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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