i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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