By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
