Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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