fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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