the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
