After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
