i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
