you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
