Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
