I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
