Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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