She said her name was "party"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
