He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
