dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
