My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
