i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
