i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm way too hungover for life right now
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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