WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
