But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
