I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
