ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
