Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So drunk its hurt
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
