1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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