she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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