i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
