shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
