Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.

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  (650): i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry. http://tfl.nu/ss3s
  Replies (6) Good night (3264) Bad night (844)
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  (347): View more from New York

  I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.

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  (347): I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth. http://tfl.nu/tax7
  Replies (70) Good night (19386) Bad night (1221)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma

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  (513): He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma http://tfl.nu/x4vk
  Replies (16) Good night (901) Bad night (3726)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks

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  (215): i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks http://tfl.nu/79xy
  Replies (36) Good night (1269) Bad night (5923)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.

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  (765): well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too. http://tfl.nu/2o1v
  Replies (16) Good night (4460) Bad night (841)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.

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  (734): So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things. http://tfl.nu/gsnh
  Replies (10) Good night (3780) Bad night (1089)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.

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  (636): I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss. (314): Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call. http://tfl.nu/9b26
  Replies (4) Good night (904) Bad night (2736)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads

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  (715): Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads http://tfl.nu/v7qu
  Replies (10) Good night (1893) Bad night (1129)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day

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  (414): Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day http://tfl.nu/nn34
  Replies (3) Good night (4908) Bad night (939)
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  (916): View more from California

  I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up

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  (916): I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up http://tfl.nu/ccq8
  Replies (5) Good night (2678) Bad night (925)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis

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  (508): if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis http://tfl.nu/xw63
  Replies (5) Good night (1911) Bad night (580)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Found 2 Coors, problem solved.

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  (773): Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that??? (773): Found 2 Coors, problem solved. http://tfl.nu/6q5w
  Replies (11) Good night (1715) Bad night (474)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.

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  (267): I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten. http://tfl.nu/d8ik
  Replies (10) Good night (858) Bad night (1194)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.

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  (603): trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment. (603): naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS. http://tfl.nu/yhfs
  Replies (5) Good night (1876) Bad night (331)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.

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  (386): correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart. http://tfl.nu/zuch
  Replies (4) Good night (512) Bad night (260)

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