OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.