Will you blow on my dice?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
