I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?