You're my little dorito
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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