Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.