i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
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I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
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Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor