Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
