oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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