The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
