i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
