So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Pants are for mortals
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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