My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
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I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
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Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize