its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
