I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
