from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
