I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
