At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
