Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize