Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
