I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
