herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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