Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
do herpes really smell.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
