I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize