My first STD was from a foam party
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
