The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
