Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
