if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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