you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
