I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
