turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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