my room smells like sperm. sweet.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
