The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
