so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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