I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
