i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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