i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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