I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
