ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
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Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
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If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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