I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my vag is so smooth its legendary
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
