My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
