I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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