We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
