we made out on top of his cat.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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