So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
