I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
